Ever since I was young, I have had a delight for all tiny things. Baby animals, miniature toys, dolls, tiny leaves, little envelopes. Tiny things made me feel like internally imploding from sheer delight that was just out of reach. I still feel that way sometimes.
I'm only two years from 30, but I seriously feel like I am just starting to grow up. I still love tiny-ness, but it is gaining deeper meaning to me. The past few years have been challenging, and I have encountered a number of very big situations that have challenged my perceptions of the world, exposed my immaturity, and tested my faith in Christ. Divorce, suicide, death, pain and relational strife have all been players in my sphere in the past few years, and it has been hard. Not that I have necessarily experienced these things directly, but I have walked with loved ones who have. Life is not simple. One plus one can equal negative two, and sometimes there is no clear solution.
As a result, I often carry weighty thoughts and big questions on my mind. Yet, since I have the privilege of staying home with my two kids, my life is functionally composed of smallness. Bandaging little ouchies, chopping onions and chicken for the crockpot, giving small words of comfort or correction, grabbing five minutes here and there to read the Bible, wipe the counters, browse Pinterest, or spray paint a light fixture. Even trying to formulate and write this post is challenging because I keep getting interrupted to get the baby his juice and to braid the dolly's hair to match her new ballet suit. My days are comprised of moment by moment living. It feels alot like trying to build a car out of legos to navigate DC traffic. I know mothering is a mission field, but it can just feel so small, in light of the world's weighty issues. I long to find more meaning in the smallness and to reconcile the big thoughts and dreams with the reality of my limitation. I want to learn to love tiny things in a new way.
I was reading Isaiah 61—a passage that foreshadows the redemptive work of Christ Jesus—and I was struck with the words of verse 3: "that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified." This really encouraged me. The author uses the analogy of a tree. But not any tree. An oak tree. Do you know how long it takes for an oak tree to grow? Think decades, centuries. Can you imagine how many days of imperceptible growth it takes for an oak tree to mature? Can it be that God is not only after the big displays of obedience? Can it be that His worth is shown by making substantial things out of our littleness? I want so much to embrace the little mundane details of my life with faith. To water my little sprouting acorns with the conviction that God is doing much more than I can see.
I am hoping that this blog will be a fun place to document the realness of our life, including things tiny and significant. I don't really know what I am getting myself into, but I think it will be interesting. I usually am up to my elbows in home projects, thrift shopping, cooking and managing the kids, so I am sure there will be a little bit of everything. Speaking of home projects, our kitchen is next on the list. More on that next week...